July 16, 2006

"Ethereal and Alone"

A trail of a single set of footprints
Winding down the shore
Following the lacy borders
Of the salty sea,
For miles and miles it goes.

Finally a foggy figure like a fairy
Appears in the near distance,
Brown hair blowing wildly in the wind,
Face turned to the sea
And the hidden sun.

The lone elfin shape pauses
Staring into the crashing surf.
There's something there,
Something reckless,
And magnificently wild.
A being from a dream,
A mermaid.

The fairy and mermaid stare at each other
Locked in an trance,
Magic seems to have settled on the sands,
Time has stopped
Afraid to tick on
For fear of losing a physical fantasy.

They seem to be frozen,
Unmoving, silent.
But tears are falling from both the maids'
Aqua eyes.
Both alone, solitary in their lonely traversing
The face of this harsh earth.
The mermaid endowed with fins
And imprisoned in the lonely sea.
The fairy cursed with a true love
Given away and never given back.

---------------------------------------------------

I am super-critical and do not like most of this poem, mostly the ending. But I wrote it and don't want it to just sit there forever. Please note, that while the fairy, in the past, has been a symbol of me, it isn't now. I am quite happy and blessed. But if you have experienced heartbreak and sadness, you receive the right to express it, whenever you wish. I think...

10 comments:

Scribbley said...

I like the poem, although it could stand some tinkering. For instance, you probably would want to throw out one or both of the "suddenly"'s as they are so close together, and I think you could find a much more creative way to say the same thing... But I like the poem. It is an enchanting image, to think of two mythological creatures meeting, and yet not meeting.

AFamousStatue said...

I fixed it.

A Simple Poet said...

I think you work in well the subtle alliteration in the poem and quite a bit of powerful imagery. How long ago did you write it because maybe traces of the fairy lurk therein despite your happiness.

A very well written poem ... I've never pictured a fairy on a beach. And, no, I don't mind that you linked our blogs. If I knew how to do it, I might do the same thing.

Will

AFamousStatue said...

I am glad you like it! I am not so fond of it as some of my poems.
I wrote it sometime in May, I believe.
I thought doing the links was quite difficult too but turns out: it isn't! You go to the Template section of your blog, scroll down to where it says "links," most of the way down the template, there is already the Google News address and then two "Edit Me's." Replace the things inside the <>, up to the http://, with the website, and replace the Edit-Me wording with whatever title you want it to be under. You can copy and paste as many Edit-Me's as you want in the list, but always leave one in case you want to add more in the future because I wouldn't know how to get the open links back.
Hope that made sense!!!

Scribbley said...

I really love it, the imagery is fantastic! And it reads so naturally and smoothly.

AFamousStatue said...

Good, cause you didn't like it so much the first time I published it back in May. :)

Scribbley said...

As can be seen at the top of the comments, the first words out of my keyboard were "I like this poem"... So clearly I liked it then too. I was just being constructive and helpful!

AFamousStatue said...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. :) That's not what you said in your email back then! But yes, see? Your constructive criticism always makes my poetry better, promise not to stop.

A Simple Poet said...

Thanks for the Link info, Liberty ... it worked out well for me and I was able to put a few of my own choosing to help link all my net madness together along with some "in your face" Christian sites. The Godscare one always gets me with a bit of trembling...

Wendy WaterBirde said...

Awww, I really liked seeing you as a fairy. I know you are happy and blessed now, but the fairy could be so too, you don't have to lose her : )