December 31, 2008

Holding On

“I concentrated so hard on my vision that I lost my sight.”

Looking at the path,
Trying not to trip again,
Sweating not to fall.
But down again,
Tumble again,
Stumble and crawl.

Up again
I force my weary legs
To bear full weight
Once more
But crash
For another time,
The tears begin to
From my focused eyes.

Sitting there
Weary from so long
And futile a trek,
I finally for the first time
Raise my eyes
From the winding,
Rocky, precipitous road
With giant cliffs
On either side.
To my astonishment,
I am not alone.

A great figure
Clothed in white
Stood above me.
Frightened at first,
I shy away
But His voice calls me back.

“Child. Loved one.
You have not been alone
These weary miles.
Your cries have not been unanswered.
I have been beside you
And kept you safe
In every fall
From plummeting
To end all.”

“Why did you let
Me tumble at all?”
I weep.

“Because you would not
Take My hand
Which I held in front
Of you
All along.
You would not take My hand.”

I see it now.
A great, strong hand,
Pierced through the middle
In the shape of an ancient nail,
Reaching to me.

“Why did you not
Call out to me?
To stop me?”
I still don’t understand.

“The choice is yours—
Always yours.
Love is a decision
Not a forced
I was always here.
Had you looked,
You would have seen
My footprints lead the way.
But you only thought
To what was wrong
Not what was right
In front of you
All along.”


Thank You, Lord, for bearing with me for so long…

Of course, Christ does call out to us as we stumble in our pathes of sin. But He may not do it forever, or even for very long. Let us not take lightly His love for each and every one of us. Let us reach up and grasp the hand that is reaching back. It will lighten every step we take for the rest of our lives if only by knowing, we are not alone.

December 29, 2008

A Thought to Live By

"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell your storm how big YOUR GOD is!"
The grandeur of God is beyond comprehension. Beyond all the words in English lanuage -- or other foreign dialect. Even our most praise-bearing words do not touch what He is.
God is grandiose.
God is magnificent.
God is ominopotent.
God is omnicient.
God is awesome.
God is omnipresent.
God is awe-inspiring.
God is splendid.
God is extravagant.
God is remarkable.
God is astounding.
God is overwhelming.
Do you still feel like you have only read a list of words? That is because God is all those things but those things are not God. God is still SO far above them and beyond them. We can only begin to sense His greatness when He reaches out, picks up from our brokenness in the corner gutter, breathes new life into us and calls us His own, His bride, "worthy" of His love. We who are not even worthy of drawing our next breath -- worthy of His love.
That is how grand God is. That our great trespasses against Him are utterly lost inside His love and mercy.
Let us never forget the God we serve. Let us never take advantage of Him. Always reaching upwards to His hands --- which beyond all comprehension, are reaching back.

December 22, 2008

I Would Tell My Younger Self...

  1. If somone starts cruelly criticizing your family (especially if they are wrong) -- shut them down. Your family is your unit, your "leave no man behind" team. You don't let anyone lay them out to dry. Period.
  2. If some guy tells you "good" things, like how important you are to him, etc., reserve your emotional response until you see him in action. Dr. Laura talks about men who would "swim through shark-infested waters" for you. Wait for actions to back up what he says.
  3. Take your time now and use it wisely. There are way too many good books out there to read any book twice. Don't waste your relaxing time watching dumb movies so much. Watch thought-provoking movies that will challenge you to become a better person. ("Braveheart," "To End All Wars," and "Gladiator" come to mind.) Realize that you do not need free, relaxing time as much as you think. Stop doling it out so plentifully.
  4. That goes along with this: push yourself! You will never ever regret it. You have more energy, strength and mental capacity now than you will ever have.
  5. About your weight: remember that it only matters to you. No one else cares. Don't talke about it, don't make a big deal about it. Your metabolism is phenomenal. Enjoy foods now that you will instantly gain 10 lbs. later by eating. But also remember your body has about 10-15 yrs of looking GREAT. Don't waste the first 5 by being lazy. Unless you want to. But recognize what you are doing.
  6. Learn new things every day. Get as much knowledge packed into your head as possible. So much it hurts -- like you're studying for a final. Life gets so busy so fast. Use your time to become as a big a person as possible -- even if that means leaving smaller-minded friends, or even boyfriends, in the dust. And it will.
  7. Friends are great but not in the list of life's GREAT goods. You can do just fine with 2 or 3 great friends. And you can do just awful with 10-15 "girlfriends." Unless they make you grow, don't spend a lot of time with them, unless God leads you to. It isn't about how good they make you feel or anything. They are simply souls who need you to bring them "faith challenges" -- find out how sincere they really are. Just because they go to biblestudy or church doesn't mean they'd go to heaven if they die.
  8. Boys. Stop flirting with them. All of them. It's insincere, inappropriate and a huge distraction. Put yourself on the "unavailable" list. You aren't open to a relationship for years. So stop acting like you are!
  9. Boys deserve two bullet points they're such a big deal. Boys cause drama, pain, heartache, wasted love and time, and so many other horrible scarring things. MEN cause spiritual growth, personal growth, happiness, strength in times of great suffering, a shoulder to cry on, and a hand to reach for when you fall. I have not met many men in my life. I certainly have yet to meet a single man who could be my future husband. I have met many boys. Even fallen for one. But men are few and far between ... Let me put it a different way ... Tall and handsome are 2 words that come to mind. Funny. Etc. All good words. But can you also say- he would drive through a snowstorm to come to a place he knew the truth was being taught? Can you say- he would rather suffer the loss of his arms than hurt the one he loves? Can you say- he values a woman's heart for the Lord more than her pretty face and blue eyes? Can you say- he values other Christians' opinions far above his own? Can you say- he values humility above being "right" and stubborn? Can you say those things and things like that? If you can't, you have yourself a boy. LET HIM GO.

I have more but it's too late for you, my younger self. You have already grown up and done all those things wrong and hurt...oh how you have hurt! But you have grown and come so far by the strength of God! And I am proud of you! And it's not too late to help someone else.

Above all, younger self -- Share love...not makeup tips.

Broken On My Own

"We are continually in circumstances where no man can do us the least good, and where we cannot help or deliver ourselves; we are in snares, and cannot break them; we are in temptations, and cannot deliver ourselves out of them; we are in trouble, and cannot comfort ourselves; are wandering sheep, and cannot find the way back to the fold; we are continually roving after idols, and hewing out "broken cisterns," and cannot return to "the fountain of living waters." How suitable, then, and sweet it is, to those who are thus exercised, to see that there is a gracious Immanuel at the right hand of the Father, whose heart is filled with love, and whose bowels move with compassion; who has shed His own precious blood that they might live; who has wrought out a glorious righteousness, and 'is able to save unto the uttermost all that come unto God by him.'"

Philpot, J. (1997). Ears from Harvested Sheaves . (July 16). Oak Harbor: Logos Research Systems, Inc.


If I were who I would
Have been,
I would never have
Told you goodbye.

If I were who I would
Have been,
All I say
Could be a lie.

If I were who I would
Have been,
You would have
Found no help
By knocking on my door.

If I were her,
I would lie awake
At night and still wish
My heart were quiet.

If I were her,
Knowing me would
Be no unusual
Testament to the power
Of a great God
In a dark world.

If I were her,
I would be ashamed...

But I am not her.

I told you goodbye
And never looked
I speak the truth,
Even when I must
Count a loss.
I can help a broken
Heart because mine
Has been healed.
I sleep well at
Night because
I only listen to what
Is right.

I am not her
Who I would
Have been,
Because He
He came in
And changed it all.

I am now not
Who I would
Have been...

12/8/8 -- "Who I Would Have Been"

Praise You! Praise You! THANK YOU!

I read in Exodus the verse in Ch. 3 where God said He was concerned for the Israelites. Concerned! The God Who created the whale, black holes, and the lensed eye is concerned for me! PRAISE GOD! I am so loved.

I feel ashamed I ever want love from another source. Especially from a guy. When I have God's love I need nothing.

I think it's time for a resolution. I found true freedom from my self will when I decided: I want God more than anything else.

I will find true freedom from love of "man" when I realize/choose to believe that I need no other love but God's.

It's a choice. And one I choose to make. I NEED NO OTHER LOVE BUT GOD'S...

I love you, God. Never leave me. Even if all else forsake me...even as so many I love have...I will never stop hanging on you. I trust in Your promise that You will "never leave me or forsake me."

Thank you....